Why you should stop telling people they are ‘great!’
Waaaaaaaait! Before you roll your eyes and think “What the actual…?”, let me assure you that I’m passionate about the power of feedback - both positive and for improvement - so this headline may seem a tad odd.
How about a story to illuminate?
I have a coaching client* who’s broadly exploring ‘What next?’ This has required a good measure of self reflection, tonnes of vulnerability and a bucket load of courage. And she’s been reaping the rewards of her focussed growth work. One outcome of our work together has been increased feelings of self confidence and courage. (Very. Cool.)
As a result of this, and unbeknown to me, my client recently auditioned for a role in an amateur theatre production. The first I heard of it was when she emailed me inviting my family and me to see the play. Super exciting, right?! Friday night came and we excitedly trotted along to see the show. We were delighted to see my client not just in a supporting role, but … owning the stage as the leading lady! Woohoo! We were so chuffed for her.
After the play I sent a wee text saying that we had loved the performance and specifically noticed that she was, among other things, “word perfect, with amazing stage presence, diction and projection.” She was captivating.
Her response?
“Thank you for your kind words. I wasn’t too sure how [I came across in the role as] yours is the first specific feedback I’ve had. When people say ‘it was great’ I tend to think they’re just being nice. So your words mean a lot.“
BOOM! Read that again: “When people say ‘it was great’ I tend to think they’re just being nice.”
When you just deliver ‘you were great’ (and I do appreciate your positive intention by the way) it takes zero effort… but also has zero (or even potentially negative) impact. Great intention, unintentionally poor execution.
If, like me, you’d rather people thought your feedback recognised their strengths and made them feel seen and valued, and highlighted what to repeat in the future, remember the lesson in this story: BE SPECIFIC.
Tell them WHAT specific behaviours/actions were positive AND what the IMPACT or RESULT of those behaviours/actions was.
That way you’ll continue to inspire the people you work with and enable them to flourish.
If you’d like more support to help you provide useful feedback to your team please check out Chapter 12: ‘Developing your team’ in my book “on your marks, get set… LEAD!” or reach out to us - we’d love to hear from you!
