7 simple tips to connect with your team

For many of us, the way we work changed dramatically when the pandemic hit. For people leaders, working remotely meant suddenly scrambling to find new ways to maintain our connections with our team members and colleagues, and going on steep learning curves to master a plethora of fancy new apps that promised to make connecting ‘a breeze’. 

What maybe got a little lost, though, are the basics - the simple ways we build connections with people that work equally well whether we are face to face or virtual, and don’t require any fancy technology.

Here are seven simple actions that you can take as a people leader to create, build on or improve your connection with your team members, no matter where you all are.

1. Go in with an open mind

Whether you are meeting your team for the first time or have been working together for years, bringing the right mindset is an absolute game-changer. Look for and focus on what’s good about each of them, what strengths they bring, how they complement each other’s strengths. Ask questions to unearth their skills, talents, wisdom and experience. Showing genuine interest will go a long way toward building a positive connection.

If you encounter someone (other than your leader or someone from HR) who wants to give you a ‘friendly warning’ about a team member that is new to you, be very wary. Judgments made as a result of half-stories, one-off issues, misunderstandings and hearsay are often misleading. Keep an open mind, look for the good, and form your own opinion.  

2. Say Hello and Cheerio

This one seems so obvious, but it needs reinforcing as I’ve lost count of the number of participants in training programs over the years who have lamented to me that their leader ‘doesn’t even say hello to me in the morning’. Working in the office? Greet your team on your way in, or as they arrive. It might be a smile and a nod, it might be a cheery good morning, it could be a quick ‘Hi, how are you today?’ or a subtle wave to someone who’s on the phone. Acknowledging your people is key. 

Working remotely? Give them a call, add a quick good morning to your group chat, or say good morning on your first email or other form of digital contact for the day. Or if you have a five-minute virtual check-in meeting at the beginning of the day, you can greet people there. Simple is fine.

Similarly, at the end of the day don’t just disappear. Let your team know when you’re heading home or logging off. Wishing your team a pleasant evening on your way out is a simple way to build and maintain connection.

3. Find common ground

What do you have in common? Were you both born in Melbourne? Did you both emigrate from Sri Lanka? Do you both listen to the same podcasts? Do you both have a passion for cycling? Do you both binge watch the same show on Netflix? If you ask enough questions, you will inevitably find something you have in common.

A fabulous coach I know always asks her new coachees, ‘What brings you joy?’ What an amazing array of insights that question can bring, and even if you don’t share their joy of tap dancing or chainsaw sculpture or sashimi, you already know more about that person than you did before. Make it your mission to find some common ground – it can be a fun challenge for your whole team.

4. Pay attention

Do you remember what your team members tell you? It could be as simple as the names of the special people in their lives, it could be as complex as a challenge they faced in childhood. When you’re listening, people tell you their stories. When you remember their stories, you demonstrate that you care enough to retain those details because knowing them and connecting with them is important to you.  When you loop back to your previous conversation to ‘check in’ and see how things are going, you will create deeper conversations for connection into the future.

How do you do this? By being present, and really listening. A great start is to physically turn away from distractions (like your phone or computer) and give them your full attention. Schedule time for chats and make it easy for your team members to book in a chat with you if you find that you’re always ‘dashing off’ or distracted by an imminent deadline.

5. Say ‘I’m sorry’

This one is a biggie! When you make a mistake, own it. Immediately. Admitting when you’re wrong and taking responsibility for your mistakes when you make them is fundamental to trust and connection. And then get straight on to apologising and finding a solution to remedy the situation. Most importantly, learn from it. When you continually make the same mistake and keep apologising but don’t change your behaviour, your apology sounds empty and you will erode your credibility and trust.

6. Ask for help

You may be a little surprised to see this one in the list. Yet asking for help is an incredibly powerful way to build connection. Step back for a moment and think about how you feel when someone asks you for help. Likely you may feel valued, trusted, approachable, knowledgeable or perhaps respected.  When you flip this around by asking your team members for help you are conveying these messages to them. Powerful stuff.

7. Be polite

‘Please’, ‘thank you’, ‘excuse me’, ‘you’re welcome’ and ‘How are you?’ Super simple. Super important. Manners cost you precisely nothing to use, they are permanently available to you, but when you don’t use them the damage to connection is immeasurable. If you don’t say please or thank you, you are being rude. No-one connects with someone who’s rude.

If you’re already doing these things, that’s great! They are essential for building trust, which underpins everything you are aiming to achieve as a leader.

If some of these have slipped off your radar, that’s ok - you are human! Take a moment to reflect on which of these will have the biggest impact right now, and choose one new behaviour to implement. Aim for ‘almost always’ and when you’ve nailed that one, choose another.

For more on connecting with your team and the other essentials of great leadership, read Chapter 9 of my book, ‘on your marks, get set… LEAD! A beginner’s guide to people leadership’. Find out more here.

Does one of your team members need a boost? Find out why you should stop telling people they are ‘great’.